Number 4: Dependence on You
They won’t tell you this. This is the real paradox. Narcissists love to act superior. They want you to believe you need them. They want you to feel dependent on their approval, their attention, and love. But they depend on you far more than you ever have depended on them. You are their fuel. You are their lifeline. Without you, your affection, your emotional reactions, your admiration, or your presence, in that case, they wither.
When you go no contact, when you emotionally detach, when you stop playing their game, they feel it like a total withdrawal. It shakes them to their core. It terrifies them. At first, they respond with rage or contempt or panic. “How dare you? You’re replaceable. You will regret this.” They move on. They get a new supply. But underneath their rage is deep helplessness.
They secretly hate that their false self is built on such shaky ground. They hate that they need a constant stream of validation to feel whole, and that, too, from you. They hate that someone like you, someone they thought they owned like a toy, can take that away. That’s why they often come back. That’s what hoovering, love bombing, and making promises, that is what it are all about.
If you take them back, what do they do? They punish you because you’re exposing their weaknesses. You proved that they are a failure. They hate needing you. They hate that you have power they cannot control. And that hatred is one of the reasons their relationships are so toxic and completely unstable.
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