You ask for a hug, and he gives you nothing but silence. You crave intimacy, and he turns away because he was never taught how to feel. He learned that love means service, that worth equals utility. He never got to be a boy; he was forced to be a shield. And now every relationship feels like a battlefield where he must, in a very twisted way, protect himself because no one ever protected him.
Even when you are giving him love, he sees it as an ambush because he was never mothered; he was used. I’m not justifying a narcissist’s actions; I’m helping you understand why it’s not your fault. And I’m helping you to objectively see that the situation is damage caused and created by somebody else, but you are being punished for no crime of yours.
4. Fear of Abandonment and Control
Number four: “Everyone leaves, so get them before they get you.” That’s the type of world the narcissist, the psychopath, lives in: a dog-eat-dog world. She created a monster who destroys love to prove it is not real. His mother didn’t just abandon him; she abandoned him emotionally, spiritually, and energetically. Maybe she was physically present, but emotionally absent; that is guaranteed. Maybe she praised him one minute and rejected him the next.
She gave him love only when he performed right; that is why it was performance-based. So he developed one core belief: love is not safe. And now, every time you get close, he’s triggered because the deeper the intimacy, the greater the threat. His nervous system does not register closeness as safety; it registers it as danger. So he cheats first, lies first, rages first because he wants to be the one who ruins it before you do. His whole life, he has been haunted by the fear that people will eventually leave, that a woman will abandon him like she did.
And now he lives in a cycle of betrayal, manipulation, and sabotage because if he destroys the relationship, at least he is in control. That’s what the recent tape showed us, not just rage, but extreme control and an urge to dominate, to own, to take power before someone takes it from him. It was monstrous, but the monster did not start there. It started in a childhood where connection was a weapon, not a gift.
You may also want to read this:
Words That Destroy a Narcissist
9 Secrets ALL Narcissists Keep
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