Number 1: They want you to open up to them.
The narcissist is aware that you may have experienced abuse in your life, especially in childhood. That was one of the main reasons why they targeted you. They seek out people who are primed for their manipulation. They seek out people who have poor boundaries, and people who don’t have support, and they try to convince you that they’re not like everyone else.
“Open up,” they say. “This time it’s different. They’re not going to hurt you.” And you should just open up to them so that they can show you there’s someone you can trust. You should just be more communicative and confident. You should be more present, available, and accessible. And they will do whatever it takes to get you to open up to them.
Narcissists will show curiosity and concern for you. They will display a feeling of interest. They will try to excite your curiosity and attention. Additionally, will persuade you to undertake a course of action. They will act friendly towards you. They will ask you questions and try to learn more about you.
And you may think that maybe this time it is different. Maybe it’s safe to be vulnerable with them. So, you open up, and you tell them more about yourself. They ask you more questions, and you reveal more information. And in a healthy relationship, that’s what you should do.
But this is just one of the narcissist’s mind games. They want you to confide in them. Additionally, want you to reveal all of your secrets and personal information, but they will never do the same for you. They cannot be vulnerable with you, but they will want you to confide in them.
And when you do, they will be taking mental notes. They will be recording information so that they can figure out what hurts you, what causes you pain, and what your needs are. It helps them to create their game plan of how they’re going to further manipulate and control you. But they start off by being friendly and trustworthy. They make it seem like they’re on your side.
Number 2: They gain an advantage over you.
Once the narcissist has convinced you that they’re friendly and trustworthy and that they’re on your side, they will begin criticizing you. They will indicate your faults in a disproven way. They will say that you should have done something a different way. And they will always put you down. Also, they will always make you feel like you’re wrong and they’re right, and you need to listen to their advice.
Narcissists have to display this attitude of superiority, as though they know more than you or do things better than you. They have inflated self-esteem, which means they are characterized by an inability to listen to you or critique themselves. Narcissists tend to undervalue you and adopt hostile behaviors towards you. They believe that they are free from error.
And they believe that they are always right in an opinion or judgment. And if you express a different opinion, they feel no need to listen to you. They just expect you to listen to them because, in their minds, they have a greater point of view or attitude toward life than the average person. So, you should listen to them. You should trust them.
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