5 Don’t believe all the nasty names they call you.
Don’t believe all the nasty names they call you. They might call you something regarding your body, regarding how you look, they might call you fat, they might call you ugly, they might call you stupid, idiot, they might call you pathetic, they might call you needy. I mean, what I’m using here is just the least bit of what happens, and I couldn’t use all the names here, but you get the idea. What they’re accusing you of is who they are.
Remember, a narcissist’s accusations are admissions. If you wish to find the truth, pay attention to what they say you are and remember that is not who you are, that is how they perceive themselves and you are nothing but an adulterated version of themselves. What does it imply? It simply implies that they do not detest the actual you. When they met you, they had this ideal idea of you, something that they believed you were, this ideal, perfect doormat.
Then what you are is not in line with who they believed you were, but that’s what devalued you. So what they hate actually is their own ideal of who you are, their own self in you, because they’re externalizing hate on you. What does that make you? An extension of their own fake self. They don’t see you, they don’t love you, they don’t know you. Think on this, sit with this, and you will know that you’ve spent time with a stranger. You were born to a human being who has been nothing but a stranger to you.
6 Do not give them access to your personal life.
Don’t let them view your personal life. Don’t expose your pain points, don’t expose to them all the things that hurt you or what you want, need, and desire, because they will use it against you. I know for many of us it’s already too late, you’ve probably already done that already, I know, and having a guilty conscience about not being smarter is not going to do anything to rectify the situation. It’s just that you need to desist from doing that because it becomes part of an element of a trauma bonding.
When we’re attached to narcissists via trauma, rationally we know what not to do, but when we’re completely vulnerable and we think they’re changing, we tell them everything, we just revert to an earlier us, thinking that being vulnerable and sharing with them what hurts us will transform them. But that’s giving them more to use as ammunition against you.
Realize that a narcissist needs to know what’s happening inside your heart, what’s happening inside your head, and the difference between the two, so that they can use that confusion too. They know how to keep you stuck by rewarding you with good treatment from time to time and how to keep you psychologically linked to them.
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