Number 1: Emotional Guilt
You feel guilty for simply having emotions. This is one of the first wounds narcissistic abuse leaves behind: the wound of emotional shame. You first struggle to feel emotions like sadness, anger, or joy, and then you feel bad for feeling them. You second-guess your tears, you apologize for expressing discomfort, you call your anger ugly, and your needs dramatic. You feel like you’re faking them because every time you showed emotion to the narcissist, what happened? It was used against you.
You were told you were too sensitive, too intense, and too needy. So your nervous system learned, as an adaptation, that the safest thing to do was to shut down fully. And now, even when you are safe, you still fear being too much. It learned that it is better to shame yourself for feeling and expressing emotions before the narcissist does.
Number 2: Distrust of Affection
You crave affection, but do not trust it when it comes. You long for closeness, you want to be held, you want someone to just sit with you and not judge you, but the moment that warmth happens, something inside you flinches. Your brain says, “This is nice,” but your body says, “Be careful,” because affection in the past was never just affection.
It came with hidden motives; kindness was followed by control, and heat was followed by withdrawal. So now your body expects a trap, even when there isn’t one. It’s not that you’re crazy; you’re scared in ways even you do not fully understand, and that, your survivor, is okay.
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