Covert narcissists do not destroy you with noise, do they? They ruin you with silence, with absence, and the kind of empathy you feel even when they’re standing right in front of you. They blend in. They act sweet and helpful. They play the harmless role so well that nobody ever questions them. But live with them long enough, and you will start to feel that slow, cold ache in your chest every time they show up for everyone but you.
What I call the “too friendly syndrome” is one of the covert narcissist’s sharpest weapons. It is never really about being a kind friend; it’s about being seen as one. They want to be known as the nicest, most selfless person in the room, but it is all a show. The rides they offer, the money they lend, the way they help someone move houses, they’re not doing it because they care. They don’t. They are doing it because it makes them look good. The people who need their help and presence, your children, basically their family, get nothing. They perform kindness for the world and serve emptiness at home.
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