The second is their jealousy and competitiveness: the jealous narcissist. They hate what they can’t control, and what they can’t control, they will destroy your ability to bond, your gut, your autonomy, your recovery process, and your ability to distance yourself. This is what leads some of them to attempt to be the woman around them, their mother, their wife, someone that they can mimic, someone with light that they can steal away. But that envy, once that woman is beneath his grasp, that envy, that feeling, that need that he can never be that woman, he can merely have her or beat her.
So what does he do? He competes. He makes that relationship a game of power. If you’re successful, he’ll take you down. If you’re great, he’ll bring darkness to your light. If others look up to you, he will disparagingly remark to undermine you. You’re not his buddy, you’re his adversary. His pride won’t allow your independence, so he’ll do whatever he can to make you smaller.
This leads us to sadistic supply: living in agony. This is difficult to write, but it is the truth. Many of these narcissistic men don’t just tolerate your hurt; they revel in it. Your tears make them better. Your confusion gives them power. Your breakdown is a source of mastery for them. Not always an aware knowing, but it is true. They nudge and jab your vulnerabilities, withhold affection from you, deliberately insert themselves in your face, then feign innocence when you respond.
They take your response, and when you blow as sure as you’re born, they use that response as evidence you’re the problem. And all of it is emotional sadism, a slow, deliberate form of psychological warfare. And it’s all based on the same fundamental premise: I have to win; I have to control.
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