You grieve not only them, but the life you believed you had with them alongside of you. The mourning comes in waves sometimes so gentle you can wade through it, sometimes very powerful, powerful enough to overwhelm you and drown emotionally. You’re mourning a person who never lived. Mourning this fantasy narcissist is essential, though, because it makes you grounded in the rough but hard truth: that the person you fell in love with did not exist. The life you knew was but a delusion which they created in their violent ways.
Number 5: Silent screams and unspoken words.
The words you wished for them to listen to. So many things that you so eagerly wanted to convey to that narcissist, such as how much they destroyed your self-esteem, how much they affected your opinion of yourself. You wrote good, strong monologues of yourself, didn’t you, saying outright how much you hurt and manipulated them? “You broke my trust,” you wanted to say. “You used me and discarded me.” But these words were never said or texted because deep within yourselves, you knew you knew that they already know the damage they caused.
They just did not care. They are not unaware; they are intentional. Believing these unwritten truths is like having too much emotional weight, a silent scream locked inside your chest for all eternity. You want to scream into a pillow, punch a wall, or write a book for them, but don’t because you know they won’t read it from the heart you wrote it with.
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