Number 4: Fixation on Others’ Mistakes
When the narcissist is collapsing on the inside, they get petty on the outside. You’ll notice it: a slip of the tongue, a small error, a harmless joke suddenly becomes their opportunity to pounce. They make a sarcastic comment, they repeat your mistake in a mocking tone, they turn a tiny flaw into a character judgment. It’s about leverage, that’s what it is. They’re losing their ground, so what do they do? They attempt to shake everybody else’s.
That’s also why a good many narcissists get crankier with age. As they age, as the mask begins to crack, their tolerance for the charade of not being the center of all things declines. Their energy no longer propels the game, so what do they do? They depend upon whatever little manipulations remain effective. Hyperfixation on error becomes a simple means of feeling larger.
And, ironically, this performance emerges when they are in the presence of someone they normally can’t just dethrone someone, assured, composed, or emotionally secure. They’re waiting on that one little error; that opportunity is their moment to feel larger once more. If they can’t feel good, they want the other person to feel bad. You can hear it in their tone, it’s a harsh, unwarranted one, and it’s never really about the words. It’s the control they are losing.
Number 5: Publically Humiliating Partners
They publicly shame their partner. This one has a knack for being dismissed as teasing, but nothing teasing is involved. They’ll say things like, “Oh, that’s my dramatic wife again,” or “You know how bad he is with directions.” It grates but sounds casual. To do it in public stings even more. What they’re doing is re-establishing hierarchy. They’re attempting to place their partner in a box that makes them stronger by comparison.
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