The Paradox of Empathy and Control
They want what you have. I’m talking about your empathy, your warmth, your depth, and emotional availability. They also hate you for it. Crazy, because you remind them of everything they gave up just to protect their ego. You become both the object of their craving and the symbol of their failure. Such a paradox. That’s why they chase you when you pull away, not because they miss your heart, but because your distance challenges their belief that they are unlovable.
If you do not want them, they must get you because, in their mind, that would prove they are still desirable, still powerful, and still in control. So what do they do? They chase, they beg, they perform. They love-bomb. But the second you soften, the second you come close and give in, the spell breaks. Because now they have you. And if they have you, you are no longer a threat. You are no longer exciting. You are no longer a challenge.
There is no thrill. You are just another person they fooled into thinking they are worth it. They do not know how to feel intimacy, how to experience it. They only know how to chase it. When you give them real love, you give them something they do not have the nervous system to handle, something they have never seen modeled, something their subconscious mind was never taught to feel safe in. So, they destroy it naturally out of their fear, which manifests as their malice.
Real intimacy would require them to step out of the false self, to risk being seen, to stop performing. And that is something most narcissists are simply not willing to do because, to be loved, they would have to be reborn. They would have to let the child buried rise again. And for many of them, that is not just painful, that is impossible.
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