The Narcissist’s Endless Loop
So, what do they do? They stay stuck in a loop. They chase people they cannot have. They idolize those who reject them. They discard those who love them. They crave attention, not affection; control, not connection. And so, when someone stops reacting, stops begging, stops explaining, that becomes the ultimate trigger. You are no longer the toy they left on the floor. You are the toy someone else might pick up, the object they suddenly remember was special, not because to them it was, but because now it is out of reach.
The less you care, the more they panic because their entire identity depends on mattering to someone, being someone’s obsession, taking up space in someone’s mind. And when they do not have that, they do not know who they are. So, when you go quiet, when you stop giving them your emotional energy, they start spiraling. They project, they come back, they provoke, they create drama just to see if you will respond.
And when you do, poof, they’re gone. Any reaction from you means they still matter. And what happens if you do not react? They try harder because they’re not chasing love. They’re chasing a mirror. They need you to reflect to them who they think they are.
Now, I’m not making any of this up. It’s not something that I feel. It was confirmed by a narcissist a long time ago. I had an accidental session with him, and in that session, I asked him, “What is it that drives you? What makes somebody so attractive to you?” And his response was, “Well, if they’re empathetic, if they’re influential, if they’re powerful, have money, and they’re hard to get, it’s uneasy to control them emotionally, I feel aroused. I feel excited, and that drives me. The harder it is to get them, the more motivated I feel to win that trophy.
Because for me, it’s all about bringing them down to my level, and then when I get what I want, I start hating them. I lose interest. Because it’s a crazy belief system. I say, well, if they were strong and real, they would’ve never fallen for the tricks. Now that they’re there simply means they’re weak, and then I move on to somebody else.” Talking about the reflection again, they need you to reflect that they’re powerful, desirable, and superior. If you’re not reacting, that reflection disappears, and so do they, because without attention, they cannot survive.
This is what people do not understand. Narcissists do not leave because they’re done. They leave because they assume you will chase them. And when you do not, it throws them into an identity crisis. They will circle back. Your silence has robbed them of their favorite drug. What is that? Your pain. They crave your confusion, your sadness, your heartbreak. That is what makes them feel important; that is what tells them they still have control.
So, when you stop feeding it, they come crawling back not with humility, not with growth, not with a changed heart, but with a fresh performance. This is the moment you have to see clearly. They do not want to fix anything with you. They want to reset the loop. They want to re-enroll you in the story where they are the sun, and you revolve around them. That’s why they call. That’s why they show up. That’s why they present those fake apologies.
That’s why they cry and beg and promise. They’re not chasing you. They’re chasing their lost reflection. And the second you offer it again, the second you go back to explaining, justifying, hoping, they will lose interest, because now the mirror is back, the control is back. Their belief system is reinforced, the supply is secured, and that means the chase is over, so they drop you again, or they start the same games again, or they emotionally ghost you until you feel worthless. Ultimately, the cycle repeats.
You may also want to read this:
Words That Destroy a Narcissist
9 Secrets ALL Narcissists Keep
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