Narcissism 101

10 Reasons Why You Attract Narcissists


Have you found yourself trapped in a difficult relationship in the past, particularly one in which you suffered through a partner’s never-ending demands, and maybe even abuse? Have you perhaps witnessed similar behavior, and want to steer clear of these circumstances?

You may have learned that certain partners who bring this dynamic into a relationship are narcissists or have what is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

If you wish to keep narcissistic people away from your life, you may want to know what types of qualities, mindsets, or habits attract them to you in the first place.

Narcissists are drawn to you because they see something in you that they can use or because you simply reflect who they are. Whatever the cause, a narcissist’s attraction can put you in the most challenging situations if you fall for it. However, here are 10 reasons why you attract narcissists.

Number 1: You’re the perfect target for their self-esteem issues.

Narcissists suffer from low self-esteem, and they often use other people to make themselves feel better. They feel entitled to take advantage of others because they deserve it. They can be attracted to you because you’re the perfect target for their self-esteem issues.

If you are insecure about yourself, then narcissists will see this as an opportunity to prey on your insecurities. Narcissists will use it as an opportunity to manipulate you into doing things for them, that will make them feel good about themselves at your expense.

Number 2: You’re emotionally available and eager to help others.

Narcissists are attracted to emotionally available people, making them easy targets for manipulation. A narcissist will use your willingness to help others as a way to take advantage of you, leaving you feeling drained and exhausted from trying to help everyone else.

Narcissists tend to be attracted to people who are more sensitive than average because they can easily manipulate them into doing what they want without feeling guilt or remorse. With a highly sensitive person like this, at their disposal, the narcissist will feel like they have an endless supply of energy to take advantage of whenever they need it.

Number 3: You put others’ needs before your own.

Narcissists are often drawn to naturally selfless and giving people because these qualities make it easier for them to manipulate their victims into putting them first. A narcissist’s goal is to always be the center of attention, as long as you’re willing to put their needs above yours, they’ll be happy. They’ll never ask if there’s anything that you need because they already know that your answer would be No.

Number 4: You’re willing to do anything for them.

If you have a hard time saying no, you may be attracting narcissists. Narcissists are attracted to people who do what they want them to do, and they’ll do whatever it takes to get that. Narcissists are attracted to people who are willing to do things for them, whether or not those things are reasonable. You don’t ask questions or challenge the narcissist’s behavior, so they feel like they can manipulate you into doing whatever they want.

It’s important to remember that narcissists don’t care about what you want or need; they only care about themselves. So, if they are constantly asking you for favors and always wanting things from you, take a step back and ask yourself, is this person taking advantage of me? Do I feel resentful when I do these things? Is this relationship healthy? If the answer is no, it might be time to re-evaluate your relationship.

Number 5: You lack boundaries.

Boundaries are an important part of any healthy relationship, they help us know where we end, and another person begins. Without them, we find ourselves entangled in relationships with people who aren’t good for us. Suppose you’re so used to having people walk all over you, that you don’t even notice them doing it. In that case, you possibly lack boundaries and respect within yourself.

A narcissist will never respect you if you don’t respect yourself first. They take all they can get from you while they’re there. Suppose you’re willing to put up with emotional abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting to keep the peace or feel loved by someone else, in that case, you’re attracting narcissists like moths to a flame.

Number 6: You mirror their behavior and values.

Narcissists like to surround themselves with people who reflect their values, beliefs, and behaviors. They tend to be attracted to people with similar traits and interests. Still, they also seek out people who reflect their values and beliefs, people who will affirm them when they feel insecure or threatened by others.

Furthermore, narcissists want someone who will mirror their behavior and values so that there isn’t any sort of conflict within their relationship. If you agree with everything about them, you’ll probably be able to keep things running smoothly without any problems.

 Number 7: You are easily manipulated by words or compliments.

Narcissists are masters at manipulation, which means they know exactly what to say or do when it comes time for you to decide whether or not you want to continue this relationship. They’ll use flattery, guilt trips, promises of change, whatever works!

A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.

Suppose you’re easily swayed by words or compliments, in that case, narcissists will take advantage of that trait until they wear out their welcome with everyone around them. Narcissists can be charming and manipulative too, they’ll say things like: “You’re so beautiful, or “I’m so lucky to have you.” But these compliments are just empty words; they don’t mean anything because they’re not sincere.

Narcissists don’t care about other people’s feelings; They just want to get what they want. So if someone is complimenting you too much, that could be a sign they’re trying to manipulate you into giving them what they want. Maybe it’s time to walk away.

Number 8: You’re a people pleaser.

You want to be liked and you try to make sure everyone around you is happy, and you don’t want to rock the boat or say anything that might hurt someone else’s feelings. You go out of your way to make sure everyone has what they need, and you often sacrifice yourself to help others. Tend to be selfless, giving, and caring in your relationships, it may be because you have the desire to feel loved and accepted.

Narcissists are often attracted to people pleasers because they find them easy targets. Someone who is always putting others first is likely to put up with more than someone who isn’t so giving. Narcissists see this as a weakness. They will use your selflessness against you by demanding your time and energy while offering little in return. They will also try to convince you that everything they do is for your good, even if it means hurting someone else or taking advantage of you, and then blame their behavior on their feelings for you.

Number 9: You validate them.

Narcissists are always looking to be validated. They want to be told how great they are, how much they matter, and how much you love them. Because they’re so self-centered, they want that validation to come from everyone. The problem is that they don’t believe it unless it comes from someone else.

If you tell a narcissist that you love them, care about them, or think their life is important and meaningful, you give the narcissist the validation that they seek. Narcissists are attracted to people who validate them, they want to feel like they’re right. They want you to agree with them, so they can feel good about themselves. Narcissists thrive on praise, so you will turn your head pretty quickly if you compliment them, or tell them how amazing you are.

Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.

Number 10: You’re perceptive and empathetic.

Narcissists like people who can read their moods, understand their feelings, and empathize with them if they don’t care about them. The narcissist knows that you’ll rush over to comfort them if they act sad or upset. They also know that you’ll be excited for them if they act happy and excited about something. You notice things that others don’t, and you care about the feelings of those around you.

Narcissists want someone who will listen to their problems, offer advice and support, validate them, and make them feel good about themselves. They are drawn to the caring, giving nature of empaths because they can use their feelings against them. They know how to push all of your buttons, and they love doing it because it gives them power over you.

It is easy to attract narcissists, and for those who have trouble resisting them, knowing the cause of their attraction can go a long way to help you. Now that you understand why you attract narcissists, make sure you move away from anyone who makes you feel that way. If they keep pushing you to get to do things their way, it’s time to move on and walk away.

Read More: 10 Ways To Stop Attracting Narcissists.

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