2. The Mask of Perfection
That’s how she trained him. He was always the well-dressed one, the one who said “please” and “thank you” to outsiders, the one with the polite smile and perfect posture. His mother made sure of his perfection. Appearances were everything; they had to be because behind the scenes, everything was chaos. He was punished for being messy, shamed for showing anger, and silenced for crying.
Every real emotion was extremely dangerous, so he learned to split himself in two: one version for the world, one version for the dark. That’s why the narcissist you fell for seems like two different people, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, one who charms your friends, kisses your parents, and talks about marriage, and one who disappears for hours, lies compulsively, and turns ice-cold the moment you get too close. That’s not by accident; that’s by design.
He became a master of deception, not because he wanted to lie, but because lying was everything he was taught. His mother praised performance and punished authenticity. She didn’t raise him to be real; she raised him to be seen. So now, in relationships, he wears the same mask he wore as a child until the mask cracks, and when it does, you are left holding the pieces.
3. Role Reversal: Protector and Shield
The monster was conditioned to absorb, not receive. Every time she got hurt, he was her tissue. Every time she felt small, he was her hype man. She poured her pain into him like he was a vault. He was never allowed to be the scared one, the tired one, the hurt one. His job was to hold her together. So now, when you break down, he disappears or, worse, he makes it about himself. He hates you; he feels disgusted by you. You’re sobbing on the floor, and he’s telling you how hard he has it.
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