Narcissism 101

6 Quick Ways to Spot a Narcissist on the First Date (Before It’s TOO LATE)


Dating is a scary thing, especially on the first date. You are finally getting the chance to sit down with someone and have a one-on-one conversation, getting personal and getting to know them better. But what happens if you find yourself wishing you’d stayed in the shallow on a date? What we mean is, what if something just feels off about them? You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you realize that there are some definite red flags. The person is high-strung, demanding, and greedy when it comes to your attention.

Now, we believe it’s important to give someone your attention when you’re going out with them, but there are limits. The reason many people continually go out with a narcissist is because their ability to charm, compliment, and make you feel like you need them outweighs the negative in one’s mind. This is very common in victims of narcissistic abuse.

So, before you go on that first date, read to the end these signs on how to spot a narcissist on the first date. These tips will help you save a lot of time and energy worrying if there will be a second date or not.

Number 1: They make all the choices on the first date.

When discussing where to go for dinner, they may have asked if you prefer any restaurants, and you may have given them a few options, only for them to insist that they know this great place and that you’ll absolutely love it. So, you agree to be kind. That is the first clue. You two arrive at the restaurant and they start ordering, not giving you a chance to look at the menu. You just take their word for it because they seem to know what they are doing. A narcissist will take control of the situation and order things they enjoy. You may see it as a kind gesture, but in reality, it should be marked as a red flag.

A non-narcissistic person would want to hear your opinions and be open to trying stuff with you. Later on, you might realize you didn’t like something they picked out. You attempt to be polite but your face is saying that you are not enjoying it. Your narcissistic date, instead of apologizing and offering to get something else, gets upset and distressed that you did not appreciate the food they ordered. This may cause tension which prompts you to start apologizing and continuing to eat to please them. You don’t want to be the reason the date is ruined.

If the date continues after dinner, they may suggest things that they like or try something new that they feel they will enjoy. They expect you to go along with it and follow their every move. This is normal behavior for a narcissistic date. Once they see you are willing to comply with whatever they want, they continue to do it on every date.

Number 2: They appear entitled.

This can be a good way to spot a narcissist’s red flags. They will treat people they deem as inferior terribly. This will include employees or waitstaff at restaurants when they mess up something. Some narcissists will make a scene if it is not fixed to their liking or it is taking too long. If your date has their order or purchase messed up, it is a good idea to watch how they handle the situation.

Number 3: They continuously turn the conversation around for them.

Your date is talking to you and you begin to notice that they aren’t really asking any questions to get to know you. When you start to discuss your current or past life, they seem to stop showing interest in you. A good way to find out if you are dating a narcissist is to track how many times they redirect the conversation away from you and back onto themselves.

A narcissistic date will find a way to make everything about them: their interests, hobbies, childhood, and drama. You will also begin to notice that in these stories, they are perfect and almost heroic. To a narcissist, they do everything perfectly and want to ensure that their date believes the same thing, especially on the first date. They won’t tell stories about anything they messed up at work or at home. It is extremely important to a narcissist that they seem flawless to their date. The key how to spot a narcissist on the first date is watching their body language when you are telling a story.

Narcissists many times have problems controlling their body language and facial expressions. Look for yawning, fidgeting with their hands or other objects, lack of eye contact, and slouching. These signs indicate that they are not interested in what you have to say, but it is almost guaranteed they will change their behavior if you go back to asking about their lives.

 Number 4: They demand your full attention.

 Of course, you will naturally want to give your date your full attention, but things don’t always work out like that. Life happens. You might get an important work call, or something might happen at home. Another clue for how to spot a narcissist on the first date is by seeing how they react when you get pulled away for something important. If you kindly explain to them the important call or text, they will not show any sympathy for you and openly show their disapproval of your actions.

A narcissistic date believes they are more important than anything and will ask you to not take any calls or texts because it is “impolite.” Your date is showing you some major red flags by saying that. A non-narcissist will be understanding and wait for you to finish your call, but a narcissist will not.

Another good way to find out if you are dating a narcissist is by seeing how your date reacts if you run into someone you know. Many times one of the people on the date, usually the non-narcissist, will stand up and say hello if they see someone familiar, introducing their friend to their date. Afterward, the narcissistic date will express to you how rude it was of your friends to ruin the date or claim that the friend gave them a nasty look, for example. Their ultimate goal is to ensure that they get all of your attention, that no one else does.

They may also get upset or flustered when you talk about how many different friends you have. The reason that they may get upset is because narcissistic people like to date people who will only need them. It can be harder to get their victim to abandon their friends when there are more than just one or two.

Number 5: They bombard you with love.

 You are on the first date and feeling spoiled to the max. You begin wondering to yourself why they’re treating you so kindly when they barely know you. You are getting whatever you ask for, compliment on top of compliment, and you are on cloud nine. It feels as if they are trying to buy your love. What you feel is exactly what’s going on. Narcissists know they are unable to charm you forever, so they attempt to win you over with overwhelming amounts of love and affection. To some, it may be too much and that can be how to spot a narcissist on the first date.

People who do not need to buy love will not feel the need to spoil you so much, but use their charm and wits to impress you, not their money. When your date makes you feel like they are deeply in love with you already, that can be a red flag. A narcissistic date will spend a lot of money on the first date to overwhelm you and make you feel like this is how your life could be all the time with them. It is also known as a luring method.

 Number 6: They discuss previous relationships.

 This may be odd, but it certainly does happen often. Many times a narcissist will go into detail on the first date about their past relationships and how awful they were to gain sympathy from their date. They will always play the victim, maybe admitting to small mistakes, but exaggerating how terrible the relationship was. They will go into detail about awful things their partner did and tend to overshare for first-date conversation. They want the person to feel a deeper connection to them and feel like the narcissist finds them trustworthy. This is a normal narcissistic date tactic.

The narcissist may even claim that their exes were narcissists and that they seem to always attract that type of relationship, but they’re glad they finally found someone different and wonderful. The non-narcissist may feel uncomfortable at first but then start to empathize with the narcissist and begin to feel welcome and loved. They want to be different from their exes. They want to make narcissist feel better about themselves. This form of manipulation is used often and usually has a tendency to work on more soft-hearted people.

Read More: Top 10 Signs a Person has been Mentally Abused.

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