Like an arrow out of a bow, once your words leave your mouth you can stop them from moving forward. Sure, you can say sorry if something you said to someone ended up sounding ruder than you thought it would but what’s done is done. Apologies show that you’re ashamed of your actions but they don’t make those actions right nor do they make them okay. It’s actually better to know beforehand what you should refrain from saying instead of saying it and then learn from your mistakes. Yes, you learned from your mistakes and are a better person but your mistakes have still hurt someone, right?
Today, we’re going to take a look at 6 things you should never say to anyone and tell you what you should say instead. Make sure to read until Number 6 as we think you will be surprised by it!
Number 1. I don’t care.
If someone is talking to you and telling you about something that interests them or something that they’re excited about and you reply to them with I don’t care then you’re essentially telling them that their interests and emotions aren’t valid. Telling someone that you don’t care is the equivalent of telling them that you don’t respect their opinion. It’s incredibly rude and under no circumstance should you say this. If someone tells you something that’s on their mind and your answer is a flat-out rejection telling them that it doesn’t matter that their opinion doesn’t matter to you, and that’s pretty much game over for your relationship.
Relationships involve respecting and giving attention to what the other person has to say. If anyone feels uncomfortable expressing their opinion then that relationship probably isn’t going to last very long given how much the communication is going to suffer. Instead of saying I don’t care reply with why you love listening to them but right now just isn’t the right time for that. Inform them about when you will be free and available to listen to them.
Number 2. You’re wrong.
When you flat out reject someone with something as plain and effortless as You’re wrong, you look arrogant. This is especially true if you’re in a position of authority and someone that ranks lower than you is the one receiving the comment. You see if someone brings an idea to the table, they probably put a lot of effort into it. You say You’re wrong, without explaining why the idea is incorrect makes it look like you’re not really paying attention to them and just want to dismiss their ideas without checking since you believe they can never be good enough.
This is extremely hurtful and can completely shatter the other person’s confidence if done again and again. What you should do in place of a flat-out rejection is explain, that while the idea is super creative and you appreciate their input, it’s incorrect because of the following reasons. Knowing what they did wrong can not only help the person improve but also makes it look like you paid a lot of attention.
Number 3. You can’t do it.
This is an extremely soul-crushing statement that makes the other person feel like you don’t believe in them and fills them with self-doubt. They begin to think that they’re not good enough and if you, someone they trust, don’t have their confidence in their abilities then they should probably just give up and quit. You set them up for failure and destroyed their self-confidence. Mark Twain ‘They did not know it was impossible so they did it’ If you believe that someone is doing something that they can’t do or is not good for them then: a) There are better ways to let them know that maybe they should rethink their plan. b) No one can predict the future.
A bit of confidence can do miracles. Maybe if you just believe in them, they might actually be able to do the impossible. As a good friend, it’s your responsibility to support your friends’ dreams and that’s exactly what you should do. Be positive, be optimistic. Your friend needs your support. Give it to them and then let them know that you believe in them no matter what.
Number 4. This is easy.
Sometimes even something as simple as This is easy can have a huge unintended impact on people. You might be thinking that doing so will make the other person think that they’ll be easily able to do it, but instead if they’re having a problem doing that specific thing and you tell them it’s easy, they’re going to believe that they’re not good enough, that’s why they can’t do something that’s super easy.
This is especially true if someone comes to you for help and you reply with this. If someone is coming to you for help, then they trust you enough to show you, their weakness. Don’t make them regret this decision by saying This is easy and making them feel stupid. Everybody deals with stuff differently. What’s easy for you isn’t going to be easy for everyone else and similarly what’s easy for them doesn’t necessarily have to be easy for you.
Instead of This is easy you should help them with the task and let them know you appreciate their commitment to getting work done and not giving up. Acknowledge the challenges that people encounter and value their commitment to get over the obstacles in their way.
Number 5. I told you so.
I told you so is one of the worst things you can say to someone when they fail. When someone fails, their dreams are crushed and their hopes are shattered. At that time, they’re vulnerable and need your support. That is not the time for you to try and satisfy your ego by putting them down and making them feel humiliated. Sure, maybe you had your doubts and they turned out to be true.
The thing is that while you were right it’s not the time nor the place to rub it in your friend’s faces that you knew they were going to fail. It’s going to make them feel even worse at a time when they’re already feeling like worthless failures. Failure hits hard and people need support during that time instead of someone trying to satisfy their ego off of their pain. Instead of saying I told you so, try to help your friend and be there for them. They need your support. You don’t need to add insult to injury just because it makes you feel better.
When it comes to failures there’s no right or wrong. Your friend had a dream that they did everything they could, but now that they couldn’t achieve it, they don’t need you to remind them of their failure. A good friend doesn’t do that. A good friend provides support in times of need and does what he or she can to make his friends feel better.
Number 6. As I have just said before.
This is a very rude answer to someone when they excitedly ask you something. Remember when you asked a rude teacher the same question for the second time and she refused to answer or made you feel stupid for asking again? Well when you reply with this to someone you make them feel the same way and trust me, someone that makes people feel like they’re stupid for asking or telling the same thing twice is not going to have a lot of friends.
People aren’t computers, they forget stuff. If you shame them for this then you’re shaming them for being human, and that, we all know is stupid. Instead of saying this just tell them what they want to know. Maybe the last time you told them they had trouble understanding it. If that’s the case you should try explaining it in a different way. Say the same thing, just illustrate it in a different way. If someone asks you something and you point out that you’ve already answered it, then you’re killing their willingness to learn, or even to have a slight interest in what they say.
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