Number 2: You’re dealing with immature behavior and giving up pieces of yourself to comply.
A hallmark of narcissistic relationships is that the person gets bent out of shape over hairline triggers that mature adults just don’t get upset about. Also, they believe they’re entitled to and expect preferential treatment, and can be nasty, demanding, punishing, and even explosive if they don’t receive it.
Are there things that you would normally be free to talk about to anyone, but the same topic may be unacceptable or risky with this particular person? And why do you feel so? Maybe if this person doesn’t get their way, they’ll abandon you or threaten to leave you. And again, you start doing things outside of your comfort and value systems to prevent this from happening.
Number 3: You’re angry and disjointed, and I’m behaving in ways that you normally don’t.
This is an important question! How do you feel about this person concerning everyday dealings with other people? If you know you have integrity, can listen, have empathy, are capable of having the same conversations, and get along with most people in your life, yet there’s this person who brings out the worst in you.
This is generally because your boundaries are being violated, and the normal modes of human operations don’t apply. The circular arguments you’re having make your head spin because they go around and around on unrelated tangents, points that make no sense. Narcissists state how disloyal your accusations of them are when confronted. Or they argue with you to manipulate you into something unwholesome.
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