Number 1: Your relationship is not kind, caring, or sane.
Toxic relationships can be very confusing at times, making it difficult to know who is who in the zoo. This happens because the toxic person will spin it back on you, blame you, and will not be accountable. Remember, if someone hurts you and is not capable of a genuine apology, and you keep hanging out with this person, they’ll continue to hurt you.
They’ll never be remorseful and of course, will continue the same behavior. The truth is people either have a decent character, or they don’t, you can’t change them for who they are. People like this simply do not have the resources to grant us a healthy, loving, and happy life, but we do.
Number 2: You’re dealing with immature behavior and give up pieces of yourself to comply.
A hallmark of narcissistic relationships is the person gets bent out of shape on hairline triggers that mature adults just don’t get upset about. Also, they believe they’re entitled to and expect preferential treatment, and can be nasty, demanding, punishing, and even explosive if they don’t receive it.
Are there things that you would normally be free to talk about to anyone but the same topic may be unacceptable or risky with this particular person? And why do you feel so? Maybe if this person doesn’t get their way, they’ll abandon you, or threaten to leave you. And again you start doing things outside of your comfort and value systems to this from happening.
Number 3: You’re angry and disjointed, and I’m behaving in ways that you normally don’t.
This is an important question! How do you feel about this person concerning everyday dealings with other people? If you know you have integrity, can listen, have empathy, are capable of having the same conversations, and get along with most people in your life, and yet there’s this person who brings out the worst in you.
This is generally because your boundaries are being violated, and the normal modes of human operations don’t stand. The circular arguments you’re having make your head spin because they go around and round on unrelated tangents; points that make no sense. Narcissists state how disloyal your accusations of them are when confronted. Or they argue with you to manipulate you into something unwholesome.
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