They are not born hateful; they are conditioned, incrementally raised in homes where their first experience of love was entangled with conditionality, mainly from the women in their lives. Perhaps their mother was emotionally unavailable, too harsh in judgment, or placed them on a pedestal and humiliated them the following day.
These men learned that a woman’s love came with conditions of danger and unreliability. They quickly discovered early on that vulnerability could be turned against them, and so it generally was. Rather than healthy boundaries, they learned emotional armor. Defense mechanisms became entrenched as habits, and habits became entrenched as resentment.
Deep inside, they begrudge the extent to which they previously relied on the love of their mother. They begrudge how they were helpless at the moments in time when their emotional life hung on someone who used their needs as weapons. So they suppress that pain and attribute it to all the women they encounter and date.
They punish love because previously they pleaded for it. They avoid love because it previously rendered them helpless. In essence, they’re attacking you for no fault of yours other than the fact that you’re the only woman who humiliated them.
They are not fighting you; they’re fighting the ghost of the woman who first put them in their place. This does not imply that you can love them the way they must be loved and assist them in overcoming that anger. Their anger lies in their heart, and it’s part of their DNA. There is nothing you can do about that.
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