Number 3: Avoiding Harm to Others
Number three, you hate hurting others, even when they’re hurting you. You hold back your truth because you do not want to be cruel. You overthink how your words may land; you worry if someone will feel rejected or unloved by you. And in the process, unfortunately, you allow them to mistreat you a little longer because your heart is careful. A careful heart rarely erupts; it endures, justifies, and quietly suffers. This is not weakness, though; this is emotional refinement. You have evolved past reactive cruelty.
You understand how deeply words can wound, and you choose silence over shame, compassion over conflict. And yet, the narcissist twisted this against you. They pushed your limits, knowing you would rather self-destruct than destroy someone else. That’s not something to be ashamed of; it is something that needs to be redirected toward people who are capable of shame. Primarily, it has to be redirected towards yourself because you deserve the radical and unconditional acceptance.
Number 4: Obsession with Self-Growth
Number four, you are obsessed with self-growth, and it made you think you were the problem. Of course, there was gaslighting, but every time something went wrong, you looked inward. You asked, “What did I miss? What am I doing wrong here? How can I improve?” You did not attack; you analyzed. You read books, you journaled, you worked on your communication, and you apologized even when you were the one who was hurt. This is emotional maturity, and it’s rare. But the narcissist saw it as an opening.
They knew they did not have to change a thing, but you would do all the work. This trait makes you destined for greatness in every other area of life, but in a relationship with a narcissist, it turns into unintentional self-destruction. You end up fixing what was never yours to fix. But let me say this as clearly as I can: your growth mindset is beautiful, but sometimes the real growth is learning not to take responsibility for someone else’s rot. Not your circus, not your monkeys, that is what I want you to believe in.
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