Number 2: Secretly causing chaos in the background to make you react.
Another trick the narcissist uses to make you look like the problem is secretly causing chaos in the background to make you react. For example, I used to work with my narcissistic ex; he would quietly send me instant messages accusing me of flirting with other men in the office.
Accusing me of getting out of my seat to impress other men, dissecting all my conversations looking for something to get mad about, and constantly sending me messages about any number of things that bothered him. It was a nightmare.
Anyway, after going back and forth with him on messenger for a while, I would eventually get up and address him personally for these outlandish accusations. Of course, he was cool, calm, and collected because he was in his element of causing chaos and drama. Narcissists can function normally in this environment.
Meanwhile, I was extremely hot for being accused of everything under the sun. When I finally got up and confronted him, I looked like the problem. If they can get you to react to a fire, they quietly set they can make you look like the problem. If they can get others to see you react to a fire they quietly sit, they can not only make you look like the problem, but others will pity the narcissist for having to put up with you.
Number 3: Gaslighting.
Another trick the narcissist uses to make you look like the problem is gaslighting. It’s a tactic used to try to distort your reality; it’s designed to make you believe that you don’t remember things exactly as they happen, which causes you to question what you experienced.
In addition, to making you question your reality; the narcissist will use this tactic to undermine your perception of reality to escape accountability for your abuse. This allows them to get away with mistreating you while making you feel like you were doing something wrong, making you feel like you were the abuser when it was them all along.
Gaslighting is used in many ways in narcissistic relationships; they will use this tactic to make you look like the problem instead of their behavior in the relationship. They’ll make you feel as if it is your responsibility to fix a relationship. You’ll feel like “If only I was better at this everything would be better.” Or “If only I had done it the way they wanted me to, everything would be better.”
Constantly pointing to your imperfections and flaws, likely caused you to bend over backward to try and hit their constantly moving goal line of how they wanted you to act or be in the relationship. As you tried to fix your manufactured flaws, they kept coming up with new ways you fell short of meeting their unrealistic expectations.
Meanwhile, they will continue to mistreat you as they see fit while having you believe there’s something you’re doing or have done wrong in a relationship making you think that you are the problem. If they can get you and others to think that you’re the problem; they escape accountability for their bad behavior.
You may also want to read this:
6 things That Instantly Triggers a Narcissist
7 Things That Will Happen During Narcissistic Rage
10 Things A Narcissist Wants After A Breakup
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