Narcissism 101

Who is a Narcissist Exactly?


The word Narcissist is being thrown around a lot lately and it is a label given to people who may not be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, but they do exhibit a few Narcissistic traits such as being selfish, vain, manipulative, deceptive, etc. But the level of Narcissism is what makes a Narcissist.

Narcissism is defined by Wikipedia as a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one’s physical appearance or image and an excessive preoccupation with one’s own needs, often at the expense of others.

I also looked at other definitions that express basically the same line of thought that Narcissism is an obsession with one’s self and capabilities, which of course, would lead to a grandiose sense of self-importance, entitlement, a need for attention and a lack of empathy for others.

Narcissists try to keep all the focus on themselves; what they want, what they need, how they feel etc. It is never about how their actions have impacted others. Their well-being is their main concern. Whatever they do is for their benefit.

Then, there are the Defense Mechanisms that Narcissists would employ to protect themselves from what they deem to be painful or negative experiences. But in reality, their defense mechanisms are all about them shunning responsibility and redirecting blame into someone else.

Some of the most popular defense mechanisms I want to get into are Projection, deflection, denial, repression, passive aggression, and avoidance, just to name a few. These defense mechanisms will highlight how Narcissists respond to negative issues and expose further narcissistic tendencies. So, spotting these behaviors in anyone should be a red flag.

Number 1: Projection.

When narcissist takes their negative traits and emotions and puts them on someone else, so, they basically accuse others of what they are guilty of. For example, they would accuse their partner of cheating when they know they are the ones doing it. Or they would blame someone for being angry or envious when they are the ones guilty of feeling that way.

Number 2: Deflection.

Is simply redirecting blame to someone else when you are the one at fault. Narcissists refuse to accept blame. Their failures, their shortcomings, and their mishaps are always someone else’s fault.

Number 3: Denial.

Is a refusal to accept the reality of a situation. For example, Narcissists refuse to accept that they are the problem. They deny that they need help or that anything is wrong with them.

Number 4: Repression.

This is where they push negative thoughts or memories out of their minds. Narcissists are known to have selective amnesia. They will quickly forget the things they have done wrong, but they will never forget how or when others may have hurt or offended them. The repression is very one-sided in order to maintain the Narcissist’s unrealistic view of themselves.

Number 5: Avoidance.

This is where they try to avoid difficult or painful situations and even people. Narcissists do not like talking about things they have done wrong so they would prefer to avoid situations and people who would want to force them into addressing such issues. Narcissists would prefer to act like they never hurt you and carry on as if everything is ok instead of dealing with difficult matters.

Number 6: Passive aggression.

Where the Narcissist is offended but pretends as if they are not then sneakily goes on to hurt or sabotage the person who offended them. Passive aggressive behavior can involve choosing not to help with a task, or taking a long time to do something.  These Defense Mechanisms are all about protecting the Narcissist’s Fake Self. That fake ideal image that they try to portray. It is all about self-preservation which is the essence of Narcissism.

Number 7: Pathological lying.

A lot of these defense mechanisms are a way that Narcissists lie to themselves and others. For example, denial is lying. Projection, where you are accusing others of what you are doing, is lying. Deflection is where you blame others for your wrongdoings; that is lying.

Narcissists’ life is built on lies. Straight out of the gate they lie to you. Especially with the Covert Narcissist their entire existence is a lie. The image and personality they have constructed to win the love and affection of others are all lies. Their lies allow them to deceive and manipulate people to gain resources and control.

Number 8: Narcissists love negativity and drama.

And would incite negativity and drama through gossiping and slander, they have a huge sense of entitlement. They always seek to gain the upper hand and are always competing. They are loyal to no one as they are void of love and filled with envy and hate.

Who is a Narcissist?

In my humble opinion, a Narcissist is a negative person who only cares about their wants and needs, and they will lie, steal, kill, and cheat to have their way or stay ahead.

Read More: Are Narcissists Born or Made?

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