It can be really difficult and challenging to live with a mother who is too self-absorbed and thinks of her children as mere extensions of herself. Having this kind of personality makes her a narcissist. She feels the need to be in control of everything all the time and to enforce unnecessary rules on her children. The children of narcissistic parents feel like they are unimportant and don’t have a voice to express their own opinions. Not the ideal situation, really. What narcissistic mothers are like?
If you have a narcissistic mother, she may seem a little too self-sacrificing and make it look like she is doing everything for her children and family and neglecting her basic needs and health. She often makes you feel like she is being mistreated and that you need to do more for her than yourself. She always shifts the focus of the conversation back to her own self and doesn’t seem to change her behavior for the better. On top of that, narcissistic mothers can be really manipulative and may use emotional blackmail to make you do what they want.
Also, they lack empathy and think they are unique and deserve special treatment. These things may seem very minute and small when one isn’t noticing them too much, but in the long run, they can really take their toll. Now that we have talked about what narcissistic mothers are like, we’ll move on to how one can deal with them without causing too much drama (which they love, by the way).
Number 1: Stay calm.
Even if the narcissistic mother is being rude or inconsiderate, it is better to keep your calm and talk through it maturely instead of letting emotions block your sense of rationality. As they are very manipulative, they might change your mood for the worse. The key thing to do in such a situation is to not let her have too much power over herself and not give her the reaction that she is hoping for. Overpower her by staying cool and composed.
Number 2: Set your boundaries.
Even though it is the better choice to stay calm in difficult situations, it is better to set your boundaries and let others know exactly where they stand. If you want to keep your mental peace, it is important to let them know what they can and can’t do. They should know what is okay and what is not. And if they try to cross those boundaries, they are the ones who are in the wrong. They will need to follow the ground rules and not overstep their boundaries.
Number 3: Plan your answers.
Having a conversation with a narcissistic mother may not be the nicest conversation you’ll experience. It can get pretty heated and irritating at times, so instead of having an emotional outburst on the spot, it is better to plan what you’re going to say before going into a particular conversation. Prepare and practice certain statements that would give you your ticket out of the conversation when things start to go south. Sentences such as “I have to get going, Mom,” or “I’ll just agree to disagree with you, Mother.”
Number 4: Get help.
Dealing with the stress that comes along with interactions like these can become very dangerous for your mental health and peace. Well, in this case, you should talk to a counselor and ask for help. They can aid you in many ways and guide your behavior around them. If things don’t seem to work out after that, they can even talk to your mother as a professional and make them realize the damage that they have been causing in their home. In this way, they can help to break the cycle.
Number 5: Let go.
It is important to know that only with the effort of one of the two people involved, you can’t save a relationship. You may feel the pressure of making your mother happy and keeping her satisfied by being a perfect daughter or son but it is not your responsibility to go through all of that. You don’t need to parent your mother. Let go of these thoughts and the need to fix things. It is in no way your job to make your narcissistic mother feel like she is unique, special, and on top of the world.
Number 6: Keep your distance.
If things start to get worse, it is best to maintain your distance and take some time away from your mother, especially if she is being violent or abusive. You need to do the things you have control over to maintain your peace and stepping away is one of them. The only way to grow and stay happy while living with a narcissistic mother is to not live with her, and get away. At least until she has sorted her priorities out. Which… might take a while, Don’t try to fix her.
Being a good, caring child, you may feel the need to make things easier for your mother even if she hasn’t been nice to you. Even though nobody is stopping you from doing that, you should know that it is not your responsibility to do it. She is not going through a complex math problem that she needs your help to solve. You can’t change her personality or make her into a completely different person in a matter of days. She may not have had a happy childhood herself. This means that she might not be likely to just heal from it. What you can do is try to make her understand or maybe help her be conscious of her doings.
Number 7: Don’t expect her to say sorry.
Now you might be thinking that when your mother realizes that she isn’t playing her role well, she might come to you and apologize – well, that might not always be true. Narcissists have a hard time admitting their mistakes and apologizing for them, so you’d be in for a long wait. It is better to not expect an apology from her; she might try to justify her behavior but you need to know better than that. She’s not the victim, you are. She might think that she’s the one who is being mistreated but she is not, she is the one who has been uncaring and unkind and maybe even abusive.
Number 8: Don’t try to compare her with others.
The only thing you can do to keep the peace is to try to be composed and not get too emotional over what she says. It is only going to hurt you in the end. If you try to compare her with other parents and figure out how other children don’t have to go through what you do, it is only going to make you feel bad about yourself. So instead of looking at how other mothers behave and how happy families can be, try to get the best out of your own situation. Things may not get better but you can always try to not make them worse. If your happiness and health are your priority, which they should be, you need to do what feels right to you and not to her.
Narcissistic mothers often like to compare themselves with others and live in the false impression that they are better than them. Know how to deal with your narcissistic mother By knowing how to deal with a narcissistic mother, it can be just a little easier to interact with her. In many cases, you can still maintain a relationship with her. But if she’s so toxic that it’s ruining your quality of life, then no contact may be best. It is okay to give her space and take all the time you need for staying away from her.
Number 9: It may be tough to deal with.
Your mother did raise you from birth, after all. But the fact is, there’s no excuse for the emotional trauma she’s put you through. If you have no choice but to keep her in your life, then at least you have some useful tips for dealing with a narcissistic mom to fall back on.
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